002. When It Isn’t Like It Should Be
I’m tired.
Tired of sitting here watching my little world crumble before me, and not being able to find the strength to do something about it. Tired of preparing myself for the worst, teaching myself to not expect anything, and still getting disappointed each time. Tired of watching people come and then having them go, always go.
I don’t want to have to think anymore. I need the world to slow down. Stop for a few minutes so I could just catch a breath. I’m getting ready to collapse. I’m absolutely exhausted. I want the world to just stop. Nevermind a few minutes, a few seconds would do.
I don’t want to do this. I can’t anymore. Cos we keep coming back to the same thing. Every single time. It’s always this same bloody thing that kills me and over and over and over again.
I’m tired of making myself believe that this time it’s gonna be different, that for once, it’d just turn out different from how I’d expect it too. And feeling fucked over when every time it comes back to this same damn thing either.
I don’t mean this about any one thing, by the way. There’s this general repetitive cycle to all things in my life. It’s like I’ve seen it all before, like a recurring dream with different people or a remake of a film only with a different members of the cast…
And my inability to walk away from it all.
Which brings us… right back to square one.
Where we began.
The film reel ready to roll.
